― U.G. Krishnamurti, No Way Out
A letter I wrote to Spiritual Emergency Network.
I am an avid participant of Network Chiropractic Care and have bumped up against a pattern that I can NOT let go of. I have been getting this work done for about 2 1/2 years now, but had to change practitioners because of my Mother having words with the woman who I was going to. Possibly the Universe wanted me to move on, but the woman that I am seeing now brings me to places that I have never been before, and quite frankly do not want to be experiencing sometimes. I have had 'manic episodes' where I have not slept for days, just to try and save my own life. I do not have a job, and am stuck in the comfort of 'suffering' instead of moving forward.
In February of 2015, I lost my job due to my anxiety. I was going to school to be a Health Coach, which I have completed, but allowed it to consume my life. I was also, at the time getting body work done two times a week, not socializing, or eating correctly. My life was completely out of balance and obviously, due to cause and effect, I lost everything.
I feel as though this is the perfect time for me to heal myself through the Network Chiropractic care, travel and put myself and my life back together. I want to find a practitioner that is a better fit for me, a new place to live, and quite possibly start my own business. But with all of these gifts that God has given me, and not doing anything with them, my energy is being scattered all over the place.
I have had experiences where light is literally pouring out and into my body. I have been in places I have never been before and I feel as though my past lives are being released. I am also doing very deep healing from trauma in this life and others. I was raped when I was 8, but in a past life I was a slave and had to do whatever my master was telling me to do. This is now being re-created in this life and I honestly, do not know what else to do but listen to what my higher self is telling me to do. It is really scary because sometimes I feel as though I can not get grounded into this life and continue to live in a past one, releasing karma that can fucking wait until I am ready. It is not needed for me to go there.
It is hard for me to differentiate the past and the present and when to stay present. I had a week where I was only living in the spiritual realm and could not get in touch with reality unless I ate food that was really really bad for me. (Wendy's) I have seen my past life literally flash right in front of me and can have an orgasm without touching myself just by moving the energy down into my body. Sorry to be so graphic, but I felt as though I needed to share. Doing readings for people helps me to stay grounded ALOT, but I also feel as though I am being guided to disconnect from the internet and get a cell phone that does not have access to Facebook. I am being asked to only use and trust my own intuition, and to not even use a GPS when traveling. I want a map. I am using the library as a source of reality, because it is needed in my business and I do want to stay connected to others.
With that being said, I need help. I am scared. My life is a mess. I know it is going to take me 6-8 months to get it together. And as hard as it is, I have to change, and take charge of my own life. I am a magnificent healer with many, many gifts..I just do not know what to do with them or how to get out of my self-destructive ways. I do not feel as though it is time for me to start my own business due to my self-destructive behaviors. I could be good one week, and horrible the next. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, and am on medication, but do not wish to be on it anymore.
I live in South Jersey, just 30 minutes from Philadelphia. So if there are any practitioners that you know that could help and support me, I would greatly appreciate it.
Thank You, and Namaste.
Lauren Elizabeth Myers